i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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