he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
