Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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