where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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