I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
