I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
