In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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