That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
