dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
