dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
