I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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