The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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