So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
