Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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