I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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