Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
