Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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