she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
