Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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