What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The beer is more important than you right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
