I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
