More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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