hotel room ftw
she smelled like a LAN party
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
