First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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