I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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