i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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