I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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