i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
