I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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