508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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