on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
