I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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