just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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