Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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