I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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