ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
