The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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