i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
