i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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