Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
