I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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