So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
