I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
