Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
