I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
