I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
