She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
