Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
third nipple confirmed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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