the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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