Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
